Drop #014 — Touch Grass Compliance Officer — Dept. of Optimal Outcomes | Decreased Value Co.
Drop #014 — Touch Grass Compliance Officer — Dept. of Optimal Outcomes | Decreased Value Co.
Document classification
Form TG-3: Department of Optimal Outcomes — Outdoor Allocation Enforcement Division. The holder is hereby deputized as a Touch Grass Compliance Officer. Authorized to issue citations to citizens exceeding the recommended daily screen allocation.
What it means when you wear it
The Bureau has authorized you. The outdoors is your jurisdiction. The screens are the enemy. The citations are real. The grass must be touched.
Conditions of issuance
Holder may demand any citizen put down their phone. Allocation: outdoor.
Fulfillment
Printed individually when ordered. Production 2-5 business days. Ships 3-7 days domestic, 10-21 international. See refund policy for defects and sizing variance. Issued by Decreased Value Co. — a subsidiary of the Bureau of Universal Basic Living, Department of Decreased Expectations.
Size & fit (Bella+Canvas 3001 Unisex)
| Size | Chest (in) | Length (in) |
|---|---|---|
| S | 34-37 | 28 |
| M | 38-41 | 29 |
| L | 42-45 | 30 |
| XL | 46-49 | 31 |
| 2XL | 50-53 | 32 |
Soft ringspun cotton, modern unisex fit. If between sizes, size up.