{"title":"Bureau Files","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe official Bureau of Universal Basic Living catalog. Forms, certificates, allocation receipts, citizen classifications. Class B issued.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"emotionally-on-pto-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co","title":"Drop #001 — Emotionally On PTO (Form 1019-E) | Decreased Value Co.","description":"\u003ch3\u003eDocument classification\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eApproved Emotional Leave Allocation. Status: Indefinite. Non-transferable. Issued by the Bureau of Universal Basic Living, Department of Decreased Expectations.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eWhat it means when you wear it\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou have filed Form 1019-E. The Bureau has reviewed your application and determined that yes, you are out of office emotionally, and yes, this is now your operating status until further notice.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eConditions of issuance\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eHolder retains all rights to look exhausted in any setting. Holder is not required to explain. Holder's allocation is sufficient.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eFulfillment\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted individually when ordered. Production 2-5 business days. Ships 3-7 days domestic, 10-21 international. See \u003ca href=\"\/policies\/refund-policy\"\u003erefund policy\u003c\/a\u003e for defects and sizing variance. 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If between sizes, size up.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Decreased Value Co.","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":49229550846194,"sku":"5356973","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"M","offer_id":49229550878962,"sku":"9036349","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"L","offer_id":49229550911730,"sku":"5681117","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"XL","offer_id":49229550944498,"sku":"8111829","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":49229550977266,"sku":"4030291","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0831\/4801\/3810\/files\/emotionally-on-pto-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co.jpg?v=1779165085"},{"product_id":"bare-minimum-since-2023-hoodie-anti-hustle-co","title":"Drop #002 — Workforce Status: Bare Minimum — Approved | Decreased Value Co.","description":"\u003ch3\u003eDocument classification\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eForm W-2BM: Workforce Compliance Office Classification: Bare Minimum. Active since the 2023 review period. The Bureau has determined the holder's contribution meets the Minimum Acceptable Output threshold. No further effort is required.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eWhat it means when you wear it\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou are bureau-certified to do exactly what's in your job description. Approved. Filed. Stamped. Your allocation continues. The state finds your contribution sufficient.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eConditions of issuance\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eHolder shall not be questioned regarding additional discretionary output. Holder's quarterly review is preemptively complete.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eFulfillment\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted individually when ordered. Production 2-5 business days. Ships 3-7 days domestic, 10-21 international. See \u003ca href=\"\/policies\/refund-policy\"\u003erefund policy\u003c\/a\u003e for defects and sizing variance. Issued by Decreased Value Co. — a subsidiary of the Bureau of Universal Basic Living, Department of Decreased Expectations.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eSize \u0026amp; fit (Gildan 18500 Heavy Blend Hoodie)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003ctable class=\"dvc-sizing\"\u003e\n\u003cthead\u003e\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eSize\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eChest (in)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eLength (in)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\u003c\/thead\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eS\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eM\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eXL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e2XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eHeavy 50\/50 cotton-poly blend, classic fit. 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The Bureau of Optimal Outcomes acknowledges receipt of all required attestations from the holder, continuously, since the 2019 reporting period. The holder's compliance is ongoing and bureau-recognized.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eWhat it means when you wear it\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou are formally certified compliant. The quarterly theatre is observed. The review is complete. The result is the same. The allocation continues.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eConditions of issuance\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eClass B classification entitles holder to attend all required meetings while thinking about lunch. Allocation: sufficient.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eFulfillment\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted individually when ordered. Production 2-5 business days. Ships 3-7 days domestic, 10-21 international. See \u003ca href=\"\/policies\/refund-policy\"\u003erefund policy\u003c\/a\u003e for defects and sizing variance. Issued by Decreased Value Co. — a subsidiary of the Bureau of Universal Basic Living, Department of Decreased Expectations.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eSize \u0026amp; fit (Bella+Canvas 6400 Women's Relaxed)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003ctable class=\"dvc-sizing\"\u003e\n\u003cthead\u003e\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eSize\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eChest (in)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eLength (in)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\u003c\/thead\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eS\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33-34\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eM\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e35-36\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26.5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e37-39\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eXL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e40-42\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e2XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e43-46\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28.5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eSoft cotton, relaxed-cut women's fit. If between sizes, size down for body-skimming, up for loose.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Decreased Value Co.","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":49229551304946,"sku":"9464540","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"M","offer_id":49229551337714,"sku":"3765533","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"L","offer_id":49229551370482,"sku":"8588738","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"XL","offer_id":49229551403250,"sku":"9147705","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":49229551436018,"sku":"4508809","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0831\/4801\/3810\/files\/okr-compliant-since-2019-womens-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co.jpg?v=1779165316"},{"product_id":"quarterly-vibes-misaligned-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co","title":"Drop #004 — Quarterly Vibes Misaligned (Form Q-007) | Decreased Value Co.","description":"\u003ch3\u003eDocument classification\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eForm Q-007: Quarterly Vibes Status Report. The Bureau acknowledges variance between projected vibes and actual vibes. Variance has been determined acceptable. No corrective action required.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eWhat it means when you wear it\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe deck said one thing. The quarter happened. The deck still says that thing. You are aware. The Bureau is aware. The variance is filed.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eConditions of issuance\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eHolder is exempt from explanation. Allocation: sufficient.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eFulfillment\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted individually when ordered. Production 2-5 business days. Ships 3-7 days domestic, 10-21 international. See \u003ca href=\"\/policies\/refund-policy\"\u003erefund policy\u003c\/a\u003e for defects and sizing variance. 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Runs true to size.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Decreased Value Co.","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":49229551698162,"sku":"3943816","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"M","offer_id":49229551730930,"sku":"5080567","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"L","offer_id":49229551763698,"sku":"8642587","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"XL","offer_id":49229551796466,"sku":"4321612","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":49229551829234,"sku":"6336059","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0831\/4801\/3810\/files\/side-hustle-sitting-hoodie-anti-hustle-co.jpg?v=1779166075"},{"product_id":"i-stopped-working-for-free-womens-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co","title":"Drop #006 — I Stopped Working For Free (Effective 2024) | Decreased Value Co.","description":"\u003ch3\u003eDocument classification\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eForm W-9F: Notice of Labor Reallocation. 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If between sizes, size down for body-skimming, up for loose.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Decreased Value Co.","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":49229551894770,"sku":"8785177","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"M","offer_id":49229551927538,"sku":"6611314","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"L","offer_id":49229551960306,"sku":"5584854","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"XL","offer_id":49229551993074,"sku":"3782061","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":49229552025842,"sku":"9268234","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0831\/4801\/3810\/files\/i-stopped-working-for-free-womens-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co.jpg?v=1779165201"},{"product_id":"pip-survivor-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co","title":"Drop #007 — PIP Survivor — Class B Survivor Certificate | Decreased Value Co.","description":"\u003ch3\u003eDocument classification\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eForm PIP-S: Class B Survivor's Commendation. 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If between sizes, size up.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Decreased Value Co.","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":49230228979954,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":49230229012722,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":49230229045490,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":49230229078258,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":49230229111026,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0831\/4801\/3810\/files\/out-of-office-forever-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co.jpg?v=1779165344"},{"product_id":"loud-quitting-certified-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co","title":"Drop #010 — Loud Quitting (Certified Form L-44) | Decreased Value Co.","description":"\u003ch3\u003eDocument classification\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eForm L-44: Bureau-Acknowledged Dramatic Departure. 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If between sizes, size up.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Decreased Value Co.","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":49230229242098,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":49230229274866,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":49230229307634,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":49230229340402,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":49230229373170,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0831\/4801\/3810\/files\/loud-quitting-certified-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co.jpg?v=1779165228"},{"product_id":"pretending-to-be-busy-since-2019-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co","title":"Drop #011 — Pretending To Be Busy (since 2019) — Service Medal | Decreased Value Co.","description":"\u003ch3\u003eDocument classification\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eForm PTB-19: Department of Optimal Outcomes Service Medal. Awarded for sustained performance in the discipline of appearing productive on Slack, continuously, since 2019. The Bureau acknowledges the holder's mastery.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eWhat it means when you wear it\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou are a five-year veteran. The output is variable. The presence is constant. The reactions are timely. The Bureau congratulates you on your decoration.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eConditions of issuance\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eHolder retains the right to set their status to 'In a meeting.' Allocation: sufficient.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eFulfillment\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted individually when ordered. Production 2-5 business days. Ships 3-7 days domestic, 10-21 international. See \u003ca href=\"\/policies\/refund-policy\"\u003erefund policy\u003c\/a\u003e for defects and sizing variance. Issued by Decreased Value Co. — a subsidiary of the Bureau of Universal Basic Living, Department of Decreased Expectations.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eSize \u0026amp; fit (Bella+Canvas 3001 Unisex)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003ctable class=\"dvc-sizing\"\u003e\n\u003cthead\u003e\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eSize\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eChest (in)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eLength (in)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\u003c\/thead\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eS\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34-37\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eM\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e38-41\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e42-45\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eXL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e46-49\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e2XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e50-53\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eSoft ringspun cotton, modern unisex fit. If between sizes, size up.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Decreased Value Co.","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":49230229504242,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":49230229537010,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":49230229569778,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":49230229602546,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":49230229635314,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0831\/4801\/3810\/files\/pretending-to-be-busy-since-2019-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co.jpg?v=1779165454"},{"product_id":"mandatory-fun-refused-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co","title":"Drop #012 — Mandatory Fun: Refused (Form NO-15) | Decreased Value Co.","description":"\u003ch3\u003eDocument classification\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eForm NO-15: Non-Participation Certificate. The holder has formally declined all mandatory team-building activities. The Workforce Engagement Office has filed and stamped the form. Holder is exempt from the trust-fall.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eWhat it means when you wear it\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou filed. The form was processed. The state has noted your non-participation. The Bureau is unbothered. You are exempt.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eConditions of issuance\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eHolder may decline any future offsite, citing this form. Allocation: sufficient.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eFulfillment\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted individually when ordered. Production 2-5 business days. Ships 3-7 days domestic, 10-21 international. See \u003ca href=\"\/policies\/refund-policy\"\u003erefund policy\u003c\/a\u003e for defects and sizing variance. Issued by Decreased Value Co. — a subsidiary of the Bureau of Universal Basic Living, Department of Decreased Expectations.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eSize \u0026amp; fit (Bella+Canvas 3001 Unisex)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003ctable class=\"dvc-sizing\"\u003e\n\u003cthead\u003e\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eSize\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eChest (in)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eLength (in)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\u003c\/thead\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eS\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34-37\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eM\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e38-41\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e42-45\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eXL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e46-49\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e2XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e50-53\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eSoft ringspun cotton, modern unisex fit. If between sizes, size up.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Decreased Value Co.","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":49230229766386,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":49230229799154,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":49230229831922,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":49230229897458,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":49230229930226,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0831\/4801\/3810\/files\/mandatory-fun-refused-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co.jpg?v=1779165818"},{"product_id":"crying-in-the-parking-lot-womens-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co","title":"Drop #013 — Crying In The Parking Lot (Tuesday) — Memorial | Decreased Value Co.","description":"\u003ch3\u003eDocument classification\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eMemorial Plaque, Tuesday Edition. The Bureau acknowledges the specific Tuesday afternoon that broke you. The location is recorded. The date is filed. Allocation: insufficient.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eWhat it means when you wear it\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe Tuesday is commemorated. The parking lot remembers. The state has been informed. The plaque has been issued. You are not alone — this form is widely distributed.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eConditions of issuance\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eHolder may cry in any parking lot, retroactively. The Bureau understands.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eFulfillment\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted individually when ordered. Production 2-5 business days. Ships 3-7 days domestic, 10-21 international. See \u003ca href=\"\/policies\/refund-policy\"\u003erefund policy\u003c\/a\u003e for defects and sizing variance. Issued by Decreased Value Co. — a subsidiary of the Bureau of Universal Basic Living, Department of Decreased Expectations.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eSize \u0026amp; fit (Bella+Canvas 6400 Women's Relaxed)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003ctable class=\"dvc-sizing\"\u003e\n\u003cthead\u003e\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eSize\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eChest (in)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eLength (in)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\u003c\/thead\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eS\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33-34\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eM\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e35-36\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26.5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e37-39\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eXL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e40-42\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e2XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e43-46\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28.5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eSoft cotton, relaxed-cut women's fit. If between sizes, size down for body-skimming, up for loose.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Decreased Value Co.","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":49230230061298,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":49230230094066,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":49230230126834,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":49230230159602,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":49230230192370,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0831\/4801\/3810\/files\/crying-in-the-parking-lot-womens-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co.jpg?v=1779164901"},{"product_id":"touch-grass-compliance-officer-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co","title":"Drop #014 — Touch Grass Compliance Officer — Dept. of Optimal Outcomes | Decreased Value Co.","description":"\u003ch3\u003eDocument classification\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eForm TG-3: Department of Optimal Outcomes — Outdoor Allocation Enforcement Division. The holder is hereby deputized as a Touch Grass Compliance Officer. Authorized to issue citations to citizens exceeding the recommended daily screen allocation.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eWhat it means when you wear it\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe Bureau has authorized you. The outdoors is your jurisdiction. The screens are the enemy. The citations are real. The grass must be touched.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eConditions of issuance\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eHolder may demand any citizen put down their phone. Allocation: outdoor.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eFulfillment\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted individually when ordered. Production 2-5 business days. Ships 3-7 days domestic, 10-21 international. See \u003ca href=\"\/policies\/refund-policy\"\u003erefund policy\u003c\/a\u003e for defects and sizing variance. Issued by Decreased Value Co. — a subsidiary of the Bureau of Universal Basic Living, Department of Decreased Expectations.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eSize \u0026amp; fit (Bella+Canvas 3001 Unisex)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003ctable class=\"dvc-sizing\"\u003e\n\u003cthead\u003e\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eSize\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eChest (in)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eLength (in)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\u003c\/thead\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eS\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34-37\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eM\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e38-41\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e42-45\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eXL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e46-49\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e2XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e50-53\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eSoft ringspun cotton, modern unisex fit. If between sizes, size up.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Decreased Value Co.","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":49230230290674,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":49230230323442,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":49230230356210,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":49230230388978,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":49230230421746,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0831\/4801\/3810\/files\/touch-grass-compliance-officer-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co.jpg?v=1779165604"},{"product_id":"tps-report-submitted-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co","title":"Drop #015 — TPS Report Submitted (Third Attempt) — ATTN: Lumbergh | Decreased Value Co.","description":"\u003ch3\u003eDocument classification\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eCompliance recorded. The TPS Report has been submitted, this time on the new cover sheet, as the holder was reminded on multiple prior occasions. The Bureau of Optimal Outcomes acknowledges receipt. ATTN: Bill Lumbergh.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eWhat it means when you wear it\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou submitted it. The third attempt was correct. The cover sheet was the new cover sheet. Mm, yeah. The form is filed. The state is aware.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eConditions of issuance\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eHolder is exempt from further reminders regarding the new cover sheet.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eFulfillment\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted individually when ordered. Production 2-5 business days. Ships 3-7 days domestic, 10-21 international. See \u003ca href=\"\/policies\/refund-policy\"\u003erefund policy\u003c\/a\u003e for defects and sizing variance. Issued by Decreased Value Co. — a subsidiary of the Bureau of Universal Basic Living, Department of Decreased Expectations.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eSize \u0026amp; fit (Bella+Canvas 3001 Unisex)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003ctable class=\"dvc-sizing\"\u003e\n\u003cthead\u003e\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eSize\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eChest (in)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eLength (in)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\u003c\/thead\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eS\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34-37\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eM\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e38-41\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e42-45\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eXL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e46-49\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e2XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e50-53\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eSoft ringspun cotton, modern unisex fit. If between sizes, size up.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Decreased Value Co.","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":49230230585586,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":49230230618354,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":49230230651122,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":49230230683890,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":49230230716658,"sku":null,"price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0831\/4801\/3810\/files\/tps-report-submitted-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co.jpg?v=1779165963"},{"product_id":"yes-im-tired-stop-asking-womens-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co","title":"Drop #016 — Yes I'm Tired, Stop Asking (Form 1099-T) | Decreased Value Co.","description":"\u003ch3\u003eDocument classification\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eForm 1099-T: Filed Status Update. The Bureau has received the holder's formal declaration. The status is filed. Further inquiries are not necessary. Allocation: insufficient (this is filed too).\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eWhat it means when you wear it\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou filed. The form was stamped. The state has the record. Nobody needs to ask anymore. This shirt is the answer.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eConditions of issuance\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eHolder may point to this shirt instead of speaking. Allocation: insufficient.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eFulfillment\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted individually when ordered. Production 2-5 business days. Ships 3-7 days domestic, 10-21 international. See \u003ca href=\"\/policies\/refund-policy\"\u003erefund policy\u003c\/a\u003e for defects and sizing variance. 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If between sizes, size down for body-skimming, up for loose.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Decreased Value Co.","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":49230230880498,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":49230230913266,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":49230230946034,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":49230230978802,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":49230231011570,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0831\/4801\/3810\/files\/yes-im-tired-stop-asking-womens-t-shirt-anti-hustle-co.jpg?v=1779165719"},{"product_id":"allocation-pending-please-stand-by-decreased-value-co","title":"Drop #017 — Allocation Pending — Please Stand By | Decreased Value Co.","description":"\u003ch3\u003eDocument classification\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eForm A-PEND: Bureau Notification: ALLOCATION PENDING. 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Holders of this form have signed under penalty of perjury that they are grateful for their Universal Basic Income Allocation, which currently amounts to one (1) sandwich per week.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eWhat it means when you wear it\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou filed. You attested. The Bureau is satisfied. The sandwich is forthcoming. Your gratitude is on record.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eConditions of issuance\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eHolder may not publicly question the sufficiency of the allocation. Allocation: sufficient (this is also filed).\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eFulfillment\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted individually when ordered. Production 2-5 business days. Ships 3-7 days domestic, 10-21 international. 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